Patriotic Ideas
Article By Nelson L. Price Why is there such a furor about who sits as a Supreme Court Judge? Isn’t law law? What is the big deal about a potential judge being a constitutional interpreter of the law? There are esteemed legal minds in our community which I revere that can explain this much better
Patriotic Ideas
By Nelson L. Price Why is there such a furor about who sits as a Supreme Court Judge? Isn’t law law? What is the big deal about a potential judge being a constitutional interpreter of the law? There are esteemed legal minds in our community which I revere that can explain this much better than
Actual Newspaper Headlines
March Planned For Next August Lingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police The Slip L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide Patient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through Latin Course To Be Canceled–No Interest Among Students, Et Al. Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters
Everything I need to know about life…
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark… One: Don’t miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
More Church Bulletin Bloopers
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’ During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak
More Strange Warnings
Here are some strange warnings on items. On a packet of juggling balls: “This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA.” Seen on a camera: “This camera only works when there is film inside.” On a bottle
Kids in Church
3-year-old, Reese: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.” A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.” A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to
How Did We Survive?
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn’t seem to get food poisoning. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can’t remember getting E-coli.
For Children
Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive.” Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.” You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.” You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.” No one’s tall anymore. He’s “vertically enhanced.” You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”
For Students
The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.” No one fails a class anymore, he’s merely “passing impaired.” You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed.” These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined.” Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.” Your homework isn’t missing,
Friends ’til Friday
By Josh Carden Summer Camp Are there any Baptists in the house? (a few scattered whistles and handclappings only on beats one and three arise from the very back of the room.) Great, I’m not alone! Got two words for you: Church Camp. (Disclaimer: This story is not meant to discriminate against any other denominations.
Aging
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long