Odds-n-Ends . Volume 08 | Issue 06

You Might Be a Pastor If…

(Author Unknown)

  • Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.
  • You’ve ever lied at a funeral.
  • You always read the obituaries.
  • You’ve ever suffered an anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.
  • You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you.
  • You get your second wind when you say “And in conclusion”.
  • The ideas you bounce off board members really do.
  • Your car tires are balding faster than your head.
  • You wish someone would steal some of your sheep.
  • You’ve seen more religion at a pool hall than you’ve seen at a church cricket match.
  • Your Bible has more side notes than printed text.
  • “Annual Church Meeting” and “Armageddon” are one in the same to you.
  • You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building.
  • You’ve waded in a creek wearing a necktie.
  • You’ve ever dreamed you were preaching only to waken and discover that you were.
  • You’d rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist.
  • You see a picnic as no picnic.
  • You’ve ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.
  • You’ve been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion.
  • You’ve ever wanted to give the sound man some feedback of your own.
  • You’ve ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you didn’t mean praying for him.
  • You often feel like you are herding cats instead of shepherding sheep.
  • Your sermons have a happy ending…everyone’s happy when it ends.
  • You’ve never preached on TV because your wife made you get down before you broke something.
  • You feel that it is your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.