My nephew pastor, Wally, in Southern California recently told me he planted a new church, one designed to reach the politically correct. These are hyperscrupulous folks who are offended by the mere hint of offending anyone. They like their language hyperinnocuous, where anything or anyone stupid, for instance, becomes just differently sensible.
“Those people are differently sensible!” I told Wally.
“You’re just target-group challenged,” he replied.
Wally’s first challenge at Theologically Correct Church was the Bible, a book that would surely present one huge stumbling block to his target congregation. So he drew up a glossary. Some examples:
Satan: a divinity-impaired being; sin: nontraditional morality; Peter’s denial: allegiance-impaired action; Antichrist: alternative leader.
He included a section on ethics:
Seven deadly sins: seven life-challenging habits; pride: state of being humility challenged; greed: materialistic nonadjustment; anger: momentary patience impairment; adultery: sexual exploration by the alternatively committed.
Finally, to interpret the language of guest preachers: Heretic: the truth inconvenienced; unbeliever: trust-impaired seeker; backslidden: temporarily faith deficient; spiritually dead: eternal-life challenged.
Within weeks the church foundered, unable to agree on which version of the Bible to use in church-“Holy Bible” offended the unholy (or “differently holy”), the Good News Bible irritated the “joy challenged,” and the Living Bible insulted everyone’s “breathing-impaired foreparents.”
As I said, it was one differently sensible idea.
Written by Warren W. Wiersbe
Used by permission. Not to be reprinted.
2ProphetU is an online magazine/website, started by Warren Wiersbe and Michael Catt, to build up the church, seek revival, and encourage pastors.